A Pennsylvania junior high student has been suspended for sharing drugs. In this case, it was a stimulant called caffeine. Quoth the school district superintendent, “As a parent, would you want your child to be able to get that type of product?” Quite frankly, yes, I would. Considering everything else they can get, I don’t think sharing a piece of gum should merit a three day suspension.

Amy Palermo, the superintendent, said the gum is “a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality.” Clearly, she didn’t check out the Jolt Gum web site, where they wax poetically about how minty it is. If alert students with fresh breath isn’t something teachers want, is that a school where we want to send our kids?